My Last Apology for Being “Too Skinny”

It was almost three years ago when I started on GLP-1s that I weighed 405 lbs. (BMI 76.5). I’ve lived my entire life fat. Most of that time super-fat. I’ve averaged it out and my lifetime average weight is 350 lbs. I am 5’1″ tall (BMI 66.1) so that’s pretty fat.

Today, as I write this on March 28, 2025, one day before my 64th birthday, I weigh 124 lbs. (BMI 23.4). I have been in maintenance with Mounjaro since Dec. 15, 2024, keeping my weight between 124 and 130, averaging 126 lbs. That is right smack in the middle of “Normal Weight BMI.” Compared to 350 lbs, 126 makes me pretty darn small.

Hence the problem.

Am I Too Thin?

Over and over, people I know, people I don’t know well, and people I don’t know at all, look at my pictures, hear about my 280 lb. weight loss, and tell me I have lost too much weight. Why do they say that? How do they know? How do they know I am clinically too small? They do not.

People who know me in real life, who have only known me as fat my whole life, are comparing me to that person… me, fat. Super fat. Clearly, I look dramatically different than I used to.

As an example, I recently found this “Wing” picture on the left and had, coincidentally, just taken a Wing picture that day and created this comparison. Note that in the pic on the left, I had already lost 118 lbs. and was proud as all get out that I had. My daughter Meghann said she could see how happy I was in that picture, how thrilled I was to have lost so much weight. She said, and it is true, that I looked so incredibly depressed before. That’s because I was.

Granted, when I hit 150 lbs., I had a moment of panic because 150 lbs. is my place of panic. I freaked out in 2002 when I hit 150 lbs. after my RNY Gastric Bypass. I thought I’d worked through that and when I got to 150 lbs. this time, I was ecstatic!

…until I went down below that.

Then my mind went wild with confusion and worry. I talked to several people, afraid I might have an eating disorder because I kept going down. I thought about lowering my 15 mg. Mounjaro dose or spreading it out (as suggested by several GLP-1 folks). I stupidly considered slowing down my exercise. Can you imagine? Of course, I said I needed to eat more… and I did. But I slowly continued to lose weight.

Ask the Doctors!

As I got down to 130, I asked for a huge panel of blood tests to see how I was doing. Everything was fantastic and the docs’ nurses called to ask why I had asked for them way before my doc appointments. I explained it and, after talking to the doctor or making a quick appointment for me, all of my providers told me that my lab work was great and to quit worrying. I even made in-office appointments so they could see me beyond virtual appointments. In person, they saw me naked (my request) and said they could see bones, but healthy people have bones. I told them the bones made me nervous because I have never seen any, even at 150 lbs. Time and time again, I was reassured that I was fine.

I recently went to the Reconstructive Plastic Surgeon, curious about what would need to be done with the saggy, baggy, melted skin I have… if I decided to do anything. Besides telling me I would need at least six different surgeries, and maybe more, she told me I only had 10-12 lbs. max of skin that would need to be removed instead of the 20-25 lbs. I had been told last year. I knew, as she said this, I would not be getting any reconstructive/plastic surgery because it required so much down time to heal. I have spent a lifetime “down.” On my ass, in bed, on scooters. I want to be UP and running around now.

She also took extra time with me as I told her about this “too skinny” issue. As I explained in the blog post (link above), she took me on a guided tour of my body, showing me where my muscles were, which bones were which, and ultimately told me I looked fantastic and to quit worrying. That blog post has pics where I share what she showed me.

Because of all of that, I started to relax.

Yesterday I saw my Oncologist/Hematologist at an in-office appointment. One virtual visit during COVID, she looked at me and said, “You have gained a lot of weight.” I suspected as much, but there was nothing to do but shrug and say, “I know.” This visit, however, she said, “It’s time for you to stop losing weight.” I told her I was in a stable place and she leaned forward and said, “You are having cancer surgeries. You cannot lose any more weight.” The implication was clear. If I were to need chemo or other medications to treat my malignant melanoma, I might need the extra padding to keep me healthier. I told her I heard her and will make sure not to lose any more weight.

Three People I Implicitely Trust to Tell Me the
Truth About My Size

My daughters Meghann and Aimee, and my former partner Zack, whom I call “My Beloved.” In the last month, I have asked all three, who were with me in person, to tell me what they thought.

Meghann, who has lost 125 lbs. herself, said I looked fantastic and she had never seen me more energetic in her life.

Aimee, who has a degree in Kinesiology and is a Spiritual Body Worker and Healer, wept when she saw me naked and said I was so beautiful.

Zack, who has known me since Aimee was two days old in 1986 and my partner through endless transformations including Fen-Phen and the RNY Gastric Bypass, told me, before I got naked, that he would tell me the honest truth… as he always has. I stood before him, shy (which was weird because of our love for each other), but showed him all my skin, front and back, and when I turned around, he was smiling lovingly and said, “I always told you you were petite.”

He stood and gave me a loving hug, then whispered, “You are beautiful.”

So, Please Quit Telling Me I Am Too Skinny

I now have all the validation I need to feel safe in my body. I am tired of my fears being jostled by everyone’s concerns. Of course I have thought about this. Of course I think about it every day! But I have too much to do rather than to spend time worrying and defending myself all the time. I have a lot of time to make up for and as long as I can keep my labs as perfect as they are and my doctors as happy as they are, I am going to release the stress I feel about being so tiny (comparatively). I am smaller than I was. I am a small person! I am petite. I wear small and medium-sized clothes. I haven’t worn those sizes ever ever ever in my life! Every morning, I wake up at 4am and leap into my day, full of energy and a love for life I am still not used to. Every time I slip a pair of small leggings on, I marvel at the amazing grace I have, how fluid my body moves. When I am dressed, I walk in the pre-dawn darkness and walk on my small part of the earth, and smile the entire excursion… from there… to here.